I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
