well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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