when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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