i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
