Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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