it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
