he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
