were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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