So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
