The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my shit smells like andre
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
