she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
