Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
