Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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