i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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