Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
