Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
