dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
