After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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