Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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