Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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