end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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