Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
