Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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