she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i out mim tonsoeep
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