i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
