i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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