there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
