take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
