Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
