I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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