I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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