it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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