We're facebook friends in real life
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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