my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
