oh god the rape fog is back!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
