I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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