Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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