She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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