YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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