Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
