Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i drank out of a bidet.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
