I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
