There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
