I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
