I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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