awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
