mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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