my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I want a musical about memes.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
