I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
