i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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