I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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